I love what I do. Really. I have discovered more about life, relationships, and how vastly God loves us through documenting new life. But this winter, 5 years into working as a birth photographer, I had reached creative, physical, total burnout.
The hours are impossibly long. Sometimes I would leave for a birth and end up being there for 30+ hours. Constantly being on-call and staying awake days at a time is a stress level that will make anyone go bonkers after a while. So much rearranging of plans, missing events, coordinating of childcare, being a Pastor’s wife, church planter AND a homeschool mom, not to mention that I also work here at Lumindeo as a Production Assistant. So needless to say, I was slightly overbooked.
I realize that maxing out the hours and trying to do EVERYTHING is a common mistake we Moms make. The whole “How Does She Do It?” mentality ends up being the norm for most of us. It’s not that I WANT to do everything, it just feels like the only way.
The only way to get it all done, fulfill obligations, only way to make ends meet and pay the bills, only way to make it!
And the problem I found is that when I was doing EVERYTHING, not only was I not doing everything WELL, I was losing the part of me that LIKED doing any of it!
God didn’t create us to do it all. He made us to be whole. He made us to live in communion with Him and our Calling. To stop, breathe, enjoy our blessings, maybe even rely on Him more and ourselves less. Burning the candle at both ends only results in hurting ourselves in the long run.
During my third hospital visit of 2015, right after Christmas, I laid in the bed thinking “Why am I doing this to myself? I don’t have to live like this! The hustle is obviously trying to kill me. I’m only 29 and I feel 100. I don’t even know when I last used all that fancy camera equipment to photograph my own family.”
I remembered why I got into photography in the beginning – to give witness to moments you can never get back. To capture the beauty of the mundane and the wonder of everyday miracles.
So this year, I’ve decided to slow down (finally) and take more notice of the blessings around me. To go back to what got me started in this work in the first place. I’m reaching back to the roots of my Calling. To glorifying God with these talents he’s given me in my work. To more life, better relationships, dwelling on how vastly God loves us.
And to taking more photos of my own family.